Saturday, December 23, 2006

Welcome to the top of the food chain, baby.


My 15-year-old daughter killed her first deer today with a very clean neck shot at 150 yards. I was impressed. Before we get too excited and start prattling on about Bambi or the "poor woodland creatures," I want to make perfectly clear to the uninitiated that deer are RATS ON STILTS. They are highly destructive, will eat just about anything and breed like crazy. Without culling, they are prone to the starvation and disease that accompanies overpopulation. So before you get your panties in a twist let me ask you what is a more humane way to die: a clean shot to the brainstem (to be enjoyed later grilled with a lovely shiraz) or sick and starving? Kill or be killed. Eat or be eaten. That my friends is the law of the jungle. Big doe eyes or not (all the better to see you with, my pretty), if the tables were turned they would have no qualms about chicken frying your ligamentum nuchae and serving them up with smushed taters, cream gravy and an ice cold Coors Light. Oh, and those nice sharp pointy antlers sported by the males? They know how to use them - on you if necessary.

In Texas deer hunting is almost a religion. Not that it's so much a sport (if it were, the deer would be armed too) but a lot of people eat venison. Since the meat is wild it does not contain growth stimulating hormones or other man-made pollutants, it is very low in fat and after being soaked in milk or brined it tastes a lot like beef and it makes great jerky or summer sausage - particularly if you add cheese & jalapenos to it. It is very tasty fried but in this part of the world if you fry something and it doesn't taste good, according to general consensus you probably shouldn't eat it.

In areas where they are a real problem and the ranchers practice game management, the hunters can't possibly use all the meat so they donate it to organizations such as Hunters for the Hungry . The hunters get to thin the herd and release some stress by "killin' sumthin'" and a hungry person gets to eat. Not a bad deal.

Welcome to the top of the food chain, baby.

What does this have to do with my dissertation? Nothing. It's the holidays fergawdsakes - I can't work on the stupid research 24/7.

Merry stuff - happy thing - whateverwhatever.

2 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

Here in Michigan our hunting guru is Ted Nugent of rock-n-roll fame. He'd be most pleased to hear your dissertation on "Rats On Stilts." As for me, I love venison, however, too much deer sausage and jerky gives me gas.

drsharna said...

(...singing & playing air guitar - albeit rather badly...) When in doubt I whip it out...I got me a rock & roll band, it's a free for all.

I love me some Nugent, yes I do. Thanks for the song worm.

Actually the dissertation is about affect and geriatric cognitive functioning. I'm questioning the clinical appropriateness of using a psychiatric term describing an emotional state (specifically apathy) to describe what is actually a neurological deficit in executive functioning that reflects an inability to engaage in self-directed behavior. In English: it's not that they've grown lazy & don't give a shit; they can't make themselves get up & go - 'cause it got up & went.

Thanks so much for stopping by!