Thursday, June 28, 2007

Texas Friends



Suz, my best friend since age 3 sent me this & I thought I'd share just so you'd understand the difference between regular garden variety stick-up-the-ass friends and kickass Texas friends - just so you're prepared if you ever come for a visit.

FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when you're drunk.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will shine a spotlight on you while your drunk naked ass is taking a piss in the bushes.
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FRIENDS: Call your parents "Mr. and Mrs." Whateveritis.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell them all the gory details about the ugly chick you tried to pick up.
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FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Understand that some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points.
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FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you grinning saying, "Dayamn...that was fun!"
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FRIENDS: Cry with you.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Laugh at your dumb ass.
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FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.
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FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will Crawl naked into the room with a video camera and wait for you to "tag out."
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FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Can easily write a book with direct quotes and detailed descriptions of their escapades with you.
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FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you.
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FRIENDS: Knock on your door.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "Y'all put yer clothes on, I'm home!"
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FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will buck up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out.
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FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag your broke ass along, and try to steal free drinks for you all night.
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FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste. That's alcohol abuse!"
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FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.

TEXAS Friends: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.
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FRIENDS: Will say, "I can't handle Tequila anymore".

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will say, "Well, okay, just one more..." and then 2 minutes later, "Well, okay, just one more!"
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FRIENDS: Will talk shit with the person who talks shit about you.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will knock them the Fuck out!!
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FRIENDS: Will tell you they'd take a bullet for you.

TEXAS FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.


Okay that's all I know right now. I have a bunch of polishing to do on the dissertation thingy so y'all sit tight until CCC Monday.

8 comments:

Natalia said...

Hmmm some texas friends stuff scares the crap outta me.

-N

Dr. Shedevil said...

Natalia honey, let's just say you've been warned... ;o) Which part scares you?

If you can't run with the big dogs, it's best to stay under the porch.

Loving Annie said...

Texas friends are good friends to have.... I think I have three of them, and I feel incredibly lucky. They are rare and precious in life.

Dr. Shedevil said...

Thanks Annie - we think so too, but then again, we're partial.

Slick said...

Them Texas friends sound about like all my friends....scary.

Natalia said...

The drunken killing spree type fun. lol

-N

Dr. Shedevil said...

Nat honey, there was nothing in there about killing - just a little friendly ass-kicking when appropriate ;o)

Dr. Shedevil said...

Yeah Slick, you'd fit right in if you didn't talk funny.