What to do When the Defecation Makes Abrupt Contact With the Rotary Oscillating Device?

Ever had one of those, "OH shit," moments? Yeah, we all have. My latest such event revolves around my recent advice of hiring a statistics consultant to assist in the dissertation process. Turns out there's a recently amended policy for my doctoral program which considers such practice to be academic dishonesty. Nevermind that it's common practice (to the point that most other doctoral programs expect their students to shell out shitloads of cash to hire such a person) and the so-called "stats person" assigned to me by my school isn't offering much in the way of guidance. Have I mentioned that my genus/species is best classified as mathematicus retardii? Sigh. So much for that idea. Good thing I didn't drop a shitload of cash to hire someone who would actually help me.

Yeah, we measure stuff by the shitload around here.

I'll figure it out. I always do.

(cue screaming)