Monday, February 12, 2007

Houston, We Have a Boyfriend...

Well once again, against my will, we're slogging into uncharted territory that I am horribly unprepared for. Apparently my daughter now has "A Boyfriend." She invited him over yesterday to visit and have dinner with us. I was fully prepared NOT to like this kid under any circumstances. He's a senior, she's a freshman, so that was already one strike against him. He's a boy - boys have penises (penii??). That's two. All I needed was one more reason not to like him and we'd be rid of him in short order.

Ever protective of my only child, I had my fine-toothed comb out, locked & loaded for bear and was ready to knock his dick in the dirt for the slightest infraction. What I was not prepared for was the cute, sweet, funny, smart, engaging and polite young man who arrived at my doorstep. He actually spent the bulk of his time here in conversation with the rest of the family instead of trying to sneak my daughter off to defile her virtue.

As it turns out he appears to have a good head on his shoulders and has a realistic plan for what he wants his future to look like. He's planning to enter the Air Force after graduation so that he can pay for college, wants to go to graduate school to study psychology so he can give back to the community and considers himself to be in training to be "a good husband, someday." He even offered to help my daughter with the dishes after dinner and loaded some things into my mom's car as she was leaving - without being prompted to do so. In fact, he didn't say or do or even hint at anything even remotely out of line. He's bound to be some kind of pro at this stuff, right?

That said, as long as he has testicles, I still don't trust him any farther than I can throw him.

Do they still make chastity belts?


Flumadiddle said...

It's kinda bittersweet when the boys turn out to be nice, isnt' it?

I googled for chastity belts. And they do make them. However, they seem to be a fetish thing now.

Whatever blows your skirt up, I guess.

drsharna said...

Rachel, honey I love ya mucho but let's not put "fetish" and my 15 year old daughter in the same context, okay? I'm reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy not ready for that yet.

Met Boy's parents last night. Mom appeared stuck in the 80's, Dad was nekkid under his baf'robe, nursing a rather large-ish glass of scotch. Instead of offering me a handshake he hugged me like he knew me since forever. Kinda' gave me "the huzz," especially since I have personal space issues that are an occupational hazard from working with the deranged, demented and generally just plain fucked up for so long.

notfearingchange said...

hmm....I still wouldn't trust him...however, you're supposed to trust your daughter's judgement.

Good luck!

drsharna said...

Honey, as long as he has testicles, I don't trust him any farther than I can throw his skinny ass, no matter how sweet he is. Can anybody say, "Eddie Haskell?" Can I get an "Amen!"?

Kate said...

I hate when they're likeable. My daughter's 6, so we haven't had the onset of boyfriend in this house - but my sisters have gone through it, and I hate when the boys have some semblance of personality. I still hate them, but it makes me feel a little bad for hating them.

drsharna said...

That's the sucky part. I really want to like this kid but he's hard-wired (pun intended) to try to get in my daughter's pants. That makes us natural sworn enemies. I did let him know in no uncertain terms though that if he does defile my girl, he will go to jail - without passing go or collecting the requisite $200. I'm all for sex-positivism but if she wants to get off, I'll buy her a vibrator. The ubiquitous bunny can't impregnate her.