Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

What? No turkey? Nah - even though I'll buy one or two around this time of year because they're on sale, I just throw them in the freezer for later. We eat turkey at weird times of the year - like for no reason other than I'm craving it. Ever oppositional and not likely to do what we're "supposed" to do, my family is just as likely to have a good lasagne or tamales or jambalaya as anything else on major holidays with pre-scripted menus. This year, I'm taking The Girl to my mom's and The Man & I are headed to some land that we lease for hunting. Three days, just the two of us...with any luck there will be much nekkidness and debauchery out there in the woods. Oh, and this year he's cooking for me. His culinary skills are rather limited so we'll be having steak, baked potato and salad tonight and grilled pork chop, some kind of potatoes and salad tomorrow night. We'll probably stop for a Sonic burger on the way home Saturday night. Life is good.

I don't care about taking a deer. We still haven't eaten all of the one The Girl gook last year. What I want is feral hog. Oh. Mah. Gawd. Becky. That's some good eatin' right thar. All they eat is acorns and bugs and they aren't hammered with the antibiotics, growth hormones or other additives, that make the meat taste weird. The meat doesn't get dried out and the flavor! Man I'm drooling just thinking about it.

Okay, so what am I thankful for? All of my wonderful family and friends, plenty to eat, lots to laugh about and relatively few worries. I'm thankful that I finally finished that neverending writing project and now people are supposed to call me "Doctor," (even though I don't insist upon it). I'm thankful that despite my having spent the last ten years pursuing my education, my teenager is relatively trouble and drama-free, as are my relationships with my spouse and my mom. I'm thankful for my new car, which is just too damn much fun to drive. I'm thankful that my postdoc is about to begin and will be just as I have envisioned it (love me some manifesting, I do!). I'm thankful that we're healthy and happy and all of our needs are more than met, as are most of our wants. Finally though, I am thankful that The Man will work his last day at the crazy-making place next Friday November 30. That's right - just one more work week and he's coming back home to me. He'll be able to work with his cattle and hay and do some consulting on the side. He'll get to set the pay rate and the rules for when, where and with whom he works.

Life is good. I wish the same and so much more for all of you.

Pulled in Every Direction

Can we keep him, Mom?

Have you ever heard the old saw, "If you want to get something done, ask a busy person"? Yeah? Apparently so has everyone else in Texas, and I am the busy person they tend to ask.

The whirlwind visit with my brother Wednesday was great. The Girl got permission to skip band rehearsals by calling her squad leader and saying that she wasn't going to be there because the Feds showed up at our house, then abruptly ended the conversation. Smart ass...she's just like her mom, heehee. She later called her band director to give him the real details. We kidnapped my mom and went to Fort Worth to Mi Cocina for lunch, then to Central Market to pick up something lovely for dinner. Like his big sister he's a hardcore foodie so he wanted steak, porcini tortellini with pesto, salad & creme brulee, so who am I to argue? We cooked the steaks over an open pecan wood fire in the fire pit on the magic patio and ohhhhh man, they were good. It was great to spend some time with him, even if it was only for one day. He is planning to come take advantage of our RV hookups down at the barn sometime this fall though.

The Man's mother's house has been sold and closes today. Thursday he informed me that his step brothers would be coming from Georgia on Friday to pick up their dad's stuff since she was too mean to give it to them when he died ten years ago. He asked me if I'd make dinner for the family and, never one to give up an opportunity to show off my culinary skills, I agreed. So Friday between shuttling The Girl to & from band, I gather up all the stuff and bust my ass to make lasagne, salad & dressing and bread for 20 people. The Girl made brownies when she got home from band. 6:15, the phone rings and it's The Man, letting me know he's on the way home and asking me what I'm doing. I tell him I'd been cooking all day, just put the lasagne in the oven and was about to take a shower, then I asked what time the people were supposed to be attending this dinner party. He says, "They're not coming for dinner until tomorrow. They just left Georgia today." Well gee...thanks for the clarification, pal. At least lasagne is always better the second day.

Saturday wasn't so bad. I spent an inordinate amount of time cleaning what I think was frog guts out of the pool. With all the rain we've had, there is a bumper crop of frogs and toads this year. The Man mowed the yard from the time he got home Friday until after dark. That can be the only explanation for the mysterious chunks of what looks like chicken meat I vacuumed into the basket leading to the pool filter. Eww.

The people got there around 8pm after retrieving their dad's things and they ate like they'd been fasting for a week. Of course they did. We wouldn't expect anything different since I'm the little Italian grandma they never had. Mama mia! You're too skinny! Mangiate!

Sunday, a friend asked me to help her with some academic stuff she's working on because she's unclear about the psychological assessment component, which is my area of expertise. In the afternoon, The Girl and I actually were able to do some serious pool time for only about the second or third time this summer. I have never been this catfish belly white in my life. Hell, I was born with a better tan than this, and I'd been indoors for 9 months! With all the rain and all the busy, I haven't had time to do much more than stare longingly at it between vacuumings & chemical applications. Sigh. Sunday evening, I found out that a dear friend of mine with whom I clocked countless volunteer hours when The Girl was in elementary school passed away Saturday, leaving behind a daughter just a few months older than The Girl and a husband, step son and grandchildren who will be lost without her. She was a true friend to everyone she met and will be sorely missed.

Yesterday, The Girl & I ran some errands in town before she went to band. While we were out, Mom called me in a panic stating that she needed my help on the computer. She's about to have her first book published and needed help formatting the poems from 75 individual documents into one long document. Sounds simple enough to you & me but she didn't know how to copy/paste. What she struggled with for hours I was able to accomplish in about 20 minutes, then I proofread it for good measure. When I got back home, all I wanted was a nap but Suz called me in a panic needing me to go to her custody hearing Wednesday 100 miles away from here at 9am. I was planning to go to my other friend's funeral but Suz was there for me when I needed her for my seemingly neverending custody crap the ex dragged me through, so it's the least I can do for her. Last night I went to the band hall to meet with some of the moms to organize uniforms, sew on buttons et cetera. The Man was asleep on the sofa when I got home at 9pm. He told me this morning that he tried to wait up for me. Riiiiiiight.

I know I'm overlooking something but the dogs are raising hell outside this morning. Greeeeaaaat! There's a stray donkey in my driveway. People in town get stray dogs & cats - we get stray livestock. Whatthefuckever am I to do with a donkey?! Shit. It's a wonder I ever get anything accomplished. Is it too early to start drinking yet?

It's Officially "That Time"

Well, it's officially party season in drsharnaland. The first official summer-ish soiree is this evening, starting any minute now. The Man's daughter and her family are moving to a house just around the corner from us, so as a reward to all the friends and family who helped them pack, load, haul and unload, I've cooked a shitload of barbeque and all the fixins - complete with from-scratch margaritas and coldbeer (yes, coldbeer is all one word around here) iced down in a washtub - with salt. Mmmmmm yummygoodness.

I'm well-known for my culinary skills and if word gets out that there's going to be a feed around here, folks show up out of the woodwork. Seriously though, sometimes I'm not sure if it's the food or that the bar is always open (a former occupation of mine several lifetimes ago). Party crashers are never a problem because there's always more than enough to go around and I'd rather shove it into an appreciative face than have to look at it until trash day on Thursday.

Tonight's fare includes homemade fresh salsa and corn tortilla chips, barbeque brisket and chicken, potato salad, pasta salad, baked beans and The Cake. I'd give you the recipe for The Cake, but I'd have to kill you. The Cake is that wonderfully rich, dense, moist chocolate sheet cake (Sheath Cake if your granny was from Texas) that your grandma made but unfortunately she died before she gave you the recipe. Yeah, that cake. Beverages include iced tea, an assortment of Cokes (meaning Dr. Pepper, Welch's Strawberry, Sprite, A&W Cream Soda or Coca Cola), Shiner Bock or Coors Light beer, Sangria, Sangria/Margarita swirls or whatever other alcoholic concoction your little heart desires. Be aware though that nothing ever comes from a box or mix. We just don't do that shit around here. If I won't eat it, I damn sure ain't a' gonna serve it.

Our house is set up for entertaining and is the perfect place to come set a spell, take a load off and get spoiled goddamn rotten by yours truly. We're waaayyyy out in the country and can see only one house from ours so it's nice and quiet, and in case I haven't mentioned, the hospitality is impeccable. Got an Italian, Greek, Mexican or Southern grandma? You'd feel right at home around here. Gotta scoot - the first guests have just arrived so I have to go be the hostess with the mostest. Too bad the water's still a little chilly yet to get in the pool we worked so hard to get going.

tags technorati : food, summer

How to Make Really (Really) Good Tortillas

Okay, I've been playing in the tortilla dough again, but this time I have adequate tools to do the job. Here's my recipe, with pictures so you can play along at home.

Ingredients:
4 cups flour (the higher the gluten content the better)
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup fat - (either shortening, butter or lard - melted but just warmed, not hot)
1 cup hot (but not boiling) water

Put dry ingredients in mixer bowl with dough hook attachment.
Turn mixer on lowest speed.
Pour in melted fat and water around edge of bowl.
Mix until dough is smooth and elastic.
(You can get flames for your mixer at FlameKA.com or follow the sidebar link under "stuff I dig right this minute")

When the dough is the right consistency, wrap it up in plastic wrap & let it rest for about 10-15 minutes.

While the dough is resting, pre-heat your tortilla press pre-cooker and comal (tortilla griddle), both available from Tortilla Cocina Mexican Cookware if you don't have a store near you that carries these items.

Line the tortilla warmer with a couple of paper towels. This gadget, also available from Tortilla Cocina, keeps the tortillas warm for a long time. Your favorite Mexican restaurant may serve tortillas in a similar container. If you don't have one of these, you can cover the hot tortillas with a clean dish towel.

Once the dough has rested, pinch off a golfball sized chunk and roll it into a ball.

Flatten your doughball a little and place it off-center in your tortilla press. This one heats up and pre-cooks the dough a little, making them easier to handle. Don't let it preheat too long before you use it or it will get too hot, precook the dough too much and make a loud squeaking noise when you press down the lever. If this happens, unplug the press and let it cool by leaving it open for a couple of minutes, then replug and start again.

Close the press.

Pull the handle/lever over and press down, but not too much. If the tortilla is pressed too thin, it will wind up crispy like a saltine cracker.

Remove the tortilla from the press. Be careful not to burn your fingers.

Lay out the pressed tortillas on a clean surface.

Place the tortilla on the pre-heated (medium heat) comal. You should hear a little sizzle. The dough may puff up, or not. Either way is normal.

After about 30 seconds, give it a flip.


After about 30 more seconds put the tortilla in the warmer and put the lid on.

Store any uncooked tortillas in a zipper bag in the refrigerator for up to a week. The cooked ones will also keep in a zipper bag in the refrigerator for up to a week although usually they don't last long enough to worry about storage.

Never - ever - wash the comal except for the first time you take it out of the box. Just wipe it off. The more it is used the less it sticks. Detergents remove this natural non-stickiness and will make the comal rust. This is bad news for you and worse for your tortillas.

La Tortilleria En Mi Cocina

With the exception of a few months when I was an infant, I've lived in Texas all my life. By default that makes me a bit of an expert in Tex-Mex cuisine, having been steeped in the stuff the better part of 40 years. If you've never experienced a really good homemade tortilla, my heart goes out to you. In addition to being highly versatile, they are world-class comfort food.

White flour tortilla dough is basically water, flour & some kind of fat (lard, butter, shortening) with a little baking powder & salt, so getting it to taste like much is a bit of a challenge, which is why you sometimes find them in supermarkets with other ingredients such as pico de gallo, sun dried tomatoes & the like. I don't like them defiled that way but don't object to their being available to those who do.

At any rate, my tortilla-related culinary education has been a bit backasswards. I've made tacos & enchiladas since about age 10 and fajitas since my teens (using store bought tortillas). I even learned to make some killer tamales a few years ago. With the gift of a comal (a special tortilla griddle) and a tortilla warmer from my mom a few days ago, I am now beginning my foray into making handmade tortillas, which theoretically I should have learned how to make first. Here's the deal though. I've formulated a wonderful recipe with the most perfectly flavored dough that results in a tender final product that's not too thick. Go me. However, I can't for the life of me figure out how to make them round. I've gotten all sorts of weird shapes - squarish, ovoid, heart, even one the shape of the continent of Australia - everything but round. An ideas on how to correct that and make them somewhat close to the shape I want? I'm open to suggestion.

Welcome to the top of the food chain, baby.

My 15-year-old daughter killed her first deer today with a very clean neck shot at 150 yards. I was impressed. Before we get too excited and start prattling on about Bambi or the "poor woodland creatures," I want to make perfectly clear to the uninitiated that deer are RATS ON STILTS. They are highly destructive, will eat just about anything and breed like crazy. Without culling, they are prone to the starvation and disease that accompanies overpopulation. So before you get your panties in a twist let me ask you what is a more humane way to die: a clean shot to the brainstem (to be enjoyed later grilled with a lovely shiraz) or sick and starving? Kill or be killed. Eat or be eaten. That my friends is the law of the jungle. Big doe eyes or not (all the better to see you with, my pretty), if the tables were turned they would have no qualms about chicken frying your ligamentum nuchae and serving them up with smushed taters, cream gravy and an ice cold Coors Light. Oh, and those nice sharp pointy antlers sported by the males? They know how to use them - on you if necessary.

In Texas deer hunting is almost a religion. Not that it's so much a sport (if it were, the deer would be armed too) but a lot of people eat venison. Since the meat is wild it does not contain growth stimulating hormones or other man-made pollutants, it is very low in fat and after being soaked in milk or brined it tastes a lot like beef and it makes great jerky or summer sausage - particularly if you add cheese & jalapenos to it. It is very tasty fried but in this part of the world if you fry something and it doesn't taste good, according to general consensus you probably shouldn't eat it.

In areas where they are a real problem and the ranchers practice game management, the hunters can't possibly use all the meat so they donate it to organizations such as Hunters for the Hungry . The hunters get to thin the herd and release some stress by "killin' sumthin'" and a hungry person gets to eat. Not a bad deal.

Welcome to the top of the food chain, baby.

What does this have to do with my dissertation? Nothing. It's the holidays fergawdsakes - I can't work on the stupid research 24/7.

Merry stuff - happy thing - whateverwhatever.