Hat Trick Plus 2

We just returned home from the annual Fundietonfieldvilleview High School academic awards ceremony. The Girl came home with the Outstanding Band Student award for the 5th straight year. She sooooo rocks. Hardcore. Drum major tryouts are Thursday. Keep your fingers crossed.

The First Week of the Rest of My Life, or Funny, You Don't LOOK Like a Doctor

Man, have I been busy! While I was waiting for permissions guy, I remembered that I never did complete "Neuropsychology 101," and thereby complete the neuropsychology concentration certificate program I was taking concurrent with the PhD. The visions in my head showed me, a few years down the road, applying to take the neuropsychology board exams so I can put ABPN behind the PhD and officially be able to call myself a neuropsychologist. The rejection letter read something like this: "Dear Schmuck, We've noticed that you have extensive advanced coursework in neuropsychology in addition to impressive clinical work in practicum, internship, postdoctoral fellowship and specialized clinical training, but you never took Neuro 101. Sorry, but you can't be in our club. Thanks but no thanks, Neurodudes." Considering that boards like that are always looking for reasons to not let people in, I didn't want to take that risk. Besides, I was instrumental in getting the neuropsychology concentration off the ground and was the first president of the neuropsychology student association, so what kind of model was I presenting to those who came after me? Soooo, I asked the much-beloved professor about what to do and he was still willing to allow me to phone in my work. I didn't realize it would take 2 hours, but it's finished. I even got an A.

I got tired of waiting for "permissions guy" (since I was only asking for permission as a professional courtesy as the work is in the public domain), and sent my dissertation to the printer for the final copies. I've done business with these people since The Girl was a baby, back before I had my personal shopping business. When Arlene called to tell me the copies were ready to pick up, I asked her how much I owed, and she told me that she only charged me 7 cents per sheet, as if she had run them on the copier, not on the printing press, using the heavy 25% cotton bond archival quality paper. When I got there, she added the official original signature pages and lovingly shrink-wrapped each copy. She even had a shipping label ready for me. When we taped up the box, she said she had something else she wanted to go over with me so we went inside and she pointed out the shredder - then promptly stuck my invoice into it and refused to allow me to pay because she and her husband are so proud of how far I've come.

(A proud Arlene with the final copies and the UMI forms.)

I went straight to the post office to mail that bad boy off and get it out of my hair fo'evah and couldn't stop smiling while I was in line. Surely I looked like some kind of lunatic, but I didn't care. The clerk asked me how much I wanted to insure it for and I asked her how one places a value on 7 years of your life. It cost $40 to ship via express mail, but it was worth it to know that it would be delivered no later than noon PST Monday December 3, thus marking the officially official final and terminal no shit, for real, honest to GAWD end to my status as a student. I don't know about y'all, but I felt the gravitational pull of the earth shift as the weight of that thing slipped from my shoulders.

Meanwhile, The Man was celebrating his last day in the workforce. His coworkers were having a happy hour for him after work so The Girl and I went to a new restaurant in the town where Suz & I grew up. As soon as I got a taste of that first margarita swirl, I knew she & hubby needed to join us. Then, they made some seriously awesome guacamole at the table and I was hooked. Now that The Girl is fully licensed to drive, I could have two margaritas because I didn't have to worry about driving home.

So Saturday, we traversed to a town about 100 miles away for All-Region Band tryouts - she on the bus, me in my car so I could escape & get lunch. I was recruited to be room monitor for the clarinet room and was thrilled beyond belief that I didn't have to judge flutes this year. I wasn't prepared for the ensuing boredom though. To keep myself entertained, I was making faces, chair dancing, checking email & playing Bejeweled on my iPhone - anything to stay awake. No, the kids couldn't see me - I was sitting behind them. Over in the flute room, it may come as no surprise that The Girl was kicking ass and taking names. She made 5th chair Symphonic band, which means that she gets to advance to All-Area auditions next month. All four girls ahead of her are seniors so look out next year. I am so proud of my Girl. She never ceases to amaze me.

Sunday found me beginning the purging process in my office. I began with the closet from hell, which really looks like an annex of Staples more than anything else. I took everything out

and put it in the middle of the room, which was already pretty crowded.
I've sifted through every piece of paper from 7 years in gradual school, the soap business and every other aspect of my life. In addition to the 3 bins I've already done and the 1 left for me to go, The Man is finally going through all of his mother's papers now that he has time. She was a professional patient so we have boxes of her "sensitive medical information" dating back to 1976 that need to be shredded. It's beginning to sound a lot like Enron around here with all the shredding.

Monday I met with a colleague of mine from school to discuss a business venture that ties her internship, my postdoc and our future private practice all up into one tidy package - with lovely ribbons and bows. More as things develop, but let's just say the prospect is very exciting and that I'll be living one of those, "I made ridiculous amounts money working part time from home doing what I love," infomercials. Later in the day, I found out that the final copies of my dissertation landed at the school about the time we began our meeting. The university officially can't ask me to do Another. Fucking. Thing. Ever.

Tuesday morning found me finishing up the paperwork for the provisional license. I was also doing more sifting and shredding of paper. Tuesday evening we went to The Grandtwins' Xmas pageant at school. The contemporary praise music feel of the thing really didn't do it for me. At. All. The kids were cute though and they were proud of their performance, which was, thankfully, short.

Wednesday Mom & I went furniture shopping - finally. We've only been trying to go since I painted the living room. We When I got home and told The Man what & where I'd found what I want and when we have an appointment to go see the salesperson, he asked, "Do I have to go? Just go get what you want." Which led to a rather heated conversation (on my end) about how it was my understanding that my job was just to go narrow it down to a couple of options then we would decide together and that if I had known he was just going to tell me to get whatever, I could have handled it right then and there instead of having to make 2 trips to a store that's 80 miles away. Needless to say, he will be joining me at 10am tomorrow to select from the finalists.

Yesterday, The Man & I went to the new office of the practice where I served my internship to pick up a little cabinet and the neatest little fold-out table that I used for testing. When it's folded up, it looks like a little cabinet, but it has a secret. It was the perfect table for the micro-space we had in that office. I don't think anyone has dusted either of them since I left, even though it looked as if everyone and their dog were using them. When I tried to slide out the little table though, one of the hinges was bent and the support wouldn't slide out. Pissed me off, but The Man helped me bend it back so that I can slide it out. I'm going to leave it out for awhile & maybe it will stick. If it doesn't I'll just replace the hinge later. Still, what the fuck is wrong with people that they tear stuff up then don't offer to fix or replace what they've damaged?

Today I'll finalize the shredding and sifting in my office, list that Treo on eBay and make some soap. It's nice to have less clutter in my space.

After all that, I have to start preparations for a midwinter party we're having next Saturday. There's plenty of cooking and baking and cleaning and shining of stuff to be done, but I've still not gotten over the feeling that there's no more academic writing to be done. How long does it take for that go to away?

That's all I know right now. Gotta scoot - there's more shredding yet to do.

Love,
Me, Ph.D.

What a Birthday It Was

Sunday I had a birthday - I'm now 30 with 11 years' experience. All in all it was a lovely day. The Girl made a monstrosity of a chocolate pancake and covered it edge-to-edge with whipped cream, then slathered it with dulce de leche and chocolate syrup, then added another spire of whipped cream on top of that. Pure decadence! I could only eat about four bites before I felt like I would pass out. Add to that a lovely mocha amaretto latte - heavy on the amaretto, just the way I like it - and reading the newspaper in the sunroom and it was just about as perfect a morning as anyone could ask for. I didn't even get dressed until 3 in the afternoon when my sister in law dropped by to bring me a present - a really interesting book about one of my least favorite things in the world - wine.

The Man's card read:
My Wife
My Partner
My Love

"The best love is a lifelong love that sweetens the joys, softens the hurts, and strengthens two hearts as it grows" - J. Hund

We've been together a long time now.
We've laughed and cried
And seen each other through
Our best and worst and everything in between.
And today, when I look at you,
I feel even more love than I've ever felt before.
We have a history together
Full of shared memories that keep us close.
You are so much a part of me
And a part of my happiness
That it's impossible to imagine
What life would have been like without you.
You are my partner and my love,
And I ask nothing more than to spend
All the rest of my life with you.

Happy Birthday
Love,
The Man

The Girl's card read:
Mom, I want to thank you for the very special gifts you've given me all my life.

You've given me the gift of sweet childhood memories.
You've given me the gift of dreams:
The ones you've made come true
And the ones I achieved myself
Because of your encouragement.
But most important of all,
You've always given me the gift of your love,
The most precious gift of all.

There's no way I could possibly thank you enough
For these gifts and so many more.
I will always be so grateful,
And you will always have a special place in my life
-And in my heart.

-I love you mucho-ly! I just hope you know how much you're appreciated. You do so much for everyone and everyone loves you muchly.

Love, The Girl

Well, as you can probably imagine, those cards really got to me. It's not every day a busy wife and mom is told how much she's loved and appreciated.

When he asked me what I'd like for my birthday a few weeks ago, I told The Man that I would like either an iPhone or a new iPod to replace my 3rd generation 4-button 20G that's 6 years old and doesn't have room enough to hold all of my music, much less the audiobooks. He didn't know which one to get so he told me to just go get one or the other. I am now the proud owner of the Holy Grail of tech toys - the iPhone. I've only had it a couple of days but so far, so good. I'll give a full report after I've put it through its paces - but what I can say right now is this: You know how it looks so easy to use on the TV commercials? Yeah. It really is that easy. The coolest part is that it speaks the same language as my computer. Life is good.

Woohoo Band Nerdz!

So The Girl's band competed at the big march-off today and earned themselves a first division. This means that they get to advance to the All-Area marching competition next weekend. I'm so proud of them. Very tired, sunburned and windburned from sitting in a stadium with no shade, but very very proud. Our little band hasn't advanced to area in about 5 years and hasn't advanced to state in about 10, which was the last time they had new uniforms. Supposedly the school district has promised new uniforms if they make it to state. Send loads of positive energy their way so they can get some decent new gear. Gotta go shower off the sunscreen and sweat & head for bed, but I thought y'all might like to know.

Tha mo bhàta-foluaimein loma-làn easgannan

Yeah, so today's title means, "My hovercraft is full of eels," in Gaelic. Following the advice of my blog friend, the fabled ghostie hunter Romulus Crowe, I've decided to make my first trip to Europe a haunted tour of Scotland. Turns out Edinburgh is renowned as the most haunted city in the world. What fun! It will probably happen mid-to-late summer next year, but I'm going. Surprisingly, when I approached The Man about it, he said it sounded like fun, but getting him on the plane and away from his cattle & hay for 10 days may be another story. The Girl, on the other hand, is all over it, but then again she's always up for new experiences. There's still a lot of research for me to do before I land on an itinerary, but once I figure it all out and save a few ducats to pay for it, we're off. Today I even bought 4 travel guides that probably all say pretty much the same thing but that's okay, I'm going to Scotland! Any suggestions or advice is most welcome. Now if I can just find some kind of psychology conference to attend while I'm there so that I can write off part of the trip...

Oh yeah, I got so excited about travel planning that I almost forgot - my dissertation chair approved my last revision to be sent to the proofreader. Woohoo! That means I can start throwing dissertation-related crap (old articles, previous revisions, notes, graphs, statistical output, et cetera ad nauseum) away! The piles of loose paper in my office will be gone and it will look like an office again, not a heap of paperwork with burgundy walls. Life is guuuud.

Postdoc, Anyone?

So Friday I met with the neuropsychologist I've trained with for the last six years about a potential postdoc. About a month ago, he resigned from his position at the public hospital in Fort Worth to go into private practice with two neurologists in an area closer to DFW airport. When I walked into his office, I was shocked to find that it was a REAL office, not an old patient room in the old wing of the hospital - or a broom closet. It wasn't stacked "up to there" with piles of files and test equipment and various stuff because there was actually room to store everything. He looked relaxed - and happy - for the first time since I'd met him in the fall of 2001.

After the "How's the family's," I asked him, "So, how's business out here in the suburbs?"

He smiled as he replied, "If I have two more months like the one I just had, I will have made a year's salary at the hospital."

"No shit?"

(more grinning) "No shit."

Long story short, he's still interested in mentoring me. I'm still interested in learning from him. So we're going to do business in the way we've done in the last six years. We just have to work out the details.

Woohoo! No silly APPIC match for me -- again! This is the way it should be. If people want to work together then they agree to work together - no intermediaries, no huge piles of resumes mailed out to every program in the world and absolutely no computer matching. The coolest parts though are that I don't have to break in another supervisor and I'll still have the flexibility and understanding about family responsibilities I've enjoyed all along.

More as things develop...

Setting it Free

Well, I did it. I finally finished up those accursed edits, with 9 pages to spare over and above HMMDC's arbitrary 100 pages (as in "You can't throw a dissertation down the stairs if it's under 100 pages.") - Gaah...almost makes me wish I hadn't developed such a tight academic writing style. I have found myself all this week stranded and banging my head against the wall at 97 pages with nothing else to say because I'd already said everything at least four times. Unfortunately most of the people who read and understand dissertations are usually bright enough to get it the first time, but sadly, such is the nature of scholarly output.

So, discouraged, in an effort to determine the next steps and hopefully give myself a little inspiration, this morning I looked up the dissertation formatting requirements for my program, when what to my wondering eyes did appear but a strictly enforced 1 and 1/4 inch margins rule. All this time I have been working with 1 inch margins all the way around, just as has been pounded into me since my undergraduate program. The cool part though is that when the paper was reformatted said required bigger margins all the way around, it gave me 12 extra pages without having to redundantly repeat myself again! Woofuckin'hoo! So I just tidied up the jagged bits, revised the table of contents and threw it against the wall in hopes that it will stick this time. Let's all cross our fingers or whateveritis that we do and hope that good enough is good enough this time.

Oh yeah, tomorrow I meet with the neuropsychologist for whom I've worked forever to discuss some potentially exciting options for postdoc. I think I need sleep now but feel so energized and excited that I don't think I'll be able to.

*stealing Natalia's Snoopydance!*

Gratitude

Today, my heart is full.

You see, twenty years ago today, I married a person who was totally inappropriate for me on many levels. The kind of person who has problems with everyone, yet is incapable of seeing that they are the problem. Yeah - that guy. The relationship was chaotic from day one, and remained so for several years after the divorce eight years later.

Maybe it was the allure of the big white poufy dress with all the acoutrements, or my naive hope that I could make him be different...or maybe I just wanted out of my parents' house. Maybe it was a combination of all of it, or something else entirely. But I was 20 years old and still knew everything, so despite all the giant waving red flags that were on fire, I did it anyway. There was a picture taken of my dad and me as he walked me down the aisle of that church (Southern Baptist! *snort*), at the moment he was telling me that it wasn't too late - that we could turn around, walk right out of there, go to the bar and just have a beer instead. I used to wish I'd taken him up on it but in a lot of ways I'm glad I didn't. I learned a lot of lessons - mainly about what I'm not willing to tolerate in a relationship with another person, but sometimes those are the most valuable lessons of all.

Don't misunderstand - this isn't going to turn into some rant about how all men are assholes because I happened to pick a bad one the first time. Nor is it going to be a blow-by-blow rehash of all the crazy-making nonsense that led up to and followed that day. You don't want to know all the gory details and my personal growth has allowed me to move well beyond that place. I am just saying that I am grateful for the life I have today. Would I change some things? Sure. I'm always looking to improve things. It's my nature to do so. But right now - in this moment - I. Am. So. Grateful.

I am thankful not to be a one-trick-pony. I have many talents and have the freedom to explore.

My relationships with my spouse and child are loving, nurturing and supportive.

People find me engaging and funny and have even described me as "a tailgate party waiting to happen."

I have a highfalutin' education and am not afraid to use it.

Abundance lives here.

Drama does not live here.

Neither do chaos or conflict just for the sake of it.

Our home is centered around love, peace, serenity and harmony.

My worries are relatively few, and none of them are so out of the ordinary as to cause real pain.

Unexpected blessings show up in my life all the time.

My dream postdoctoral fellowship is beginning to take shape and will be solidified soon.

We have a beautiful home and farm with a table that is often decorated with the smiles and laughter of many well-loved and well-fed family members and friends.

The life I have today is a far cry from the life that 20-year-old girl in the silly white dress signed up for. For this, I am endlessly grateful.

What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been

This is going to be a long post. We've got about 10 days' worth of adventure to cover so go ahead & visit that little room before you get started.
Friday, June 13, 2007

6:30 am. The Girl & I were packed up for our 9-day adventure and about to roll out the door when the phone rang. It was one of my band booster friends (one of about 2 that I can actually tolerate for any length of time) calling to tell me she & her husband had bought me a nice bottle of wine and she wanted to bring it to me so that we could have it on my graduation day. Of course we all know how much I hate presents - especially wine - so we hung out a couple of extra minutes to visit with her before safely tucking the wine in my suitcase. Little did I know that was to be the theme of the week.

We got to Mom's and got her stuff loaded but with an oxygen tank in the back seat, we really didn't have room for the cooler. We decided that it was okay though. We could always stop for drinks & munchies if we wanted to. The weather was beautiful, we had toonz and each other and we were not on a schedule. So we stopped at Sonic for breakfast before we even left the county ;o)

Later in the day, The Man called and said something like, "I know The Girl is in the car, so just answer yes or no." Then he proceeded to tell me about how our son in law thought he had found a car for her but he didn't want to get her hopes up in case it didn't pan out. The problem was that he wasn't giving me yes or no questions so I was having to tell him what I needed to tell him without giving it away. We decided that if it did turn out to be a good deal, we'd get it. He was even going to pay for half. (Okay, say AWWWW...) He called later to tell me our son in law, a Ford master technician, had checked it out and would have bought it for the grandtwins, so he was going to go ahead with it. More on that later.

Sooo, we finally made it to my great aunt's house. We attempted to follow her directions and ended up being taken 60 miles out of the way. There are basically 4 exits along the entire Kansas turnpike - the motto of which is "Welcome to Kansas - Just keep moving, then get the fuck out." If you miss your exit, that's just too gawddamn bad - you have to drive at least 30 miles to the next one, pay to exit, collect a new ticket then pay to exit at your real destination if you can find it. I knew better than to listen to the directions of a 75-year-old who rarely leaves her hometown. Thankfully I have a wonderful sense of direction and excellent map reading skills. We got there and had a great time hanging out with my cousin, great aunt and the 13 year old grandson she's raising. The kid is a very talented guitarist but can't play guitar hero to save his life. The Girl had fun with that. Oh yeah...and that wine? Didn't make it through the evening. It's okay though, you'll see that there's plenty more where that came from.

Oh yeah, the picture is from Pome on the Range, a big orchard where we pulled over & bought what else but apple wine!

Saturday, July 14

We traversed to Mom's best friend's place just outside the suburbs of KC. Of course, since I have been described as "a tailgate party waitin' to happen," if I'm around, the tequila must flow, right? They had this big ol' margarita machine that was like an oversized blender. You pour the tequila & margarita goodie over about a 5 pound bag of ice and turn it on then 10 minutes later you have (sort of) restaurant style margaritas. I thought a good blender would have been more efficient but the machine was cute and fun. We went to a Macaroni Grill with her very patient husband and 85-year-old mom and just about took over the place.

The picture is a sculpture we made from straws, a crayon and a stub of their lovely rosemary foccaccia bread that bears a strange resemblance to something that's bound to be obscene. We scared the shit out of the waiter, but then again we live for socially inappropriate behavior.

Sunday, June 15

We left Missouri to head back over the river to the KC, KS suburb where Grandma & Grandpa live. No sooner did we get there than Grandma wanted us to sit down and eat. Nevermind we had just stopped at Sonic for lunch less than an hour before. The aunts & uncles who were there to see us didn't eat so it was kind of weird but we didn't want to hurt Grandma's feelings so shove more down we did. These grandparents are Mom's ex-inlaws but with 40 years of water under the bridge, they all got along and had a lovely visit until my aunt & stressball uncle arrived from St. Jo to pick mom up. Later we drove around the nicer neighborhoods of KC looking at the fountains (BTW, it's legal to play in them in KC - which is reason enough to go there!) all of the old mansions and we went to the hotel where Mom, The Girl & I would be spending the rest of the week so we'd know how to get there and I could show them where to meet us Thursday night for my dissertation defense. I made sure to make up a playlist on my iPod just for Grandpa that included Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra et al. He loved it.

Grandpa had a head injury a couple of years ago and has some dementia as well, so it was interesting for me as a neuronerd to spend time with him. He naps a lot during the day but doesn't realize that's the reason why he can't sleep through the night, despite everyone telling him that's what's going on. Since I'm kind of an expert in the area of old folks, I told him the same thing everyone else has told him and even though he isn't going to change a damn thing because he's a stubborn old Italian, at least he heard what I said and accepted it as having some grain of truth. Maybe it wasn't my expert status but my good bedside manner and gentle handling of him that did the trick. Then again, being the favorite granddaughter doesn't hurt either.

Monday, July 16

Grandpa was damn determined that we were going to have Egg McMuffin from his local McDonald's for breakfast. I didn't bother to tell him I haven't done business with McDonalds or WalMart in years. He's old and he likes it so I graciously sucked it up for one day and pretended that was the loveliest fake cheese I'd ever consumed in my life. Gaaah.

We made up for it at lunch though. After Grandpa's morning nap, we toddled down the road to Quick's Bar-B-Q down on Merriam Lane. Everyone has their favorite KC BBQ, but there's a certain nostalgia there for me because I was raised on the sauce, which we had to import to Texas through various family members when they came to visit. Nothing like a big ol' plate of Quick's ribs and a coldbeer. Aaaaaahhh... I made sure to get a case of sauce while I was there, since I'm down to 3 bottles left from the trip Mom & I made there last summer.

The Girl & I made our way to the hotel and got checked in & settled. The Girl was asking about what to do next and where would we meet up with my friends from school when the seminars let out. She was excited to meet them but had some concern about whether we should try to call them or not and how would they know where to meet us. I told her not to worry - we'd grab a drink (mmmmerlot for me, cherry coke with extra cherries for her), grab a couple of tables in the lobby and relax a minute. I have a tendency to draw a crowd. She didn't believe it until people started drifting downstairs and before long we had about 15 people there gushing at her about how wonderful her mom is. Then MY Mom showed up and the gushing really began. Somebody could have gotten the bighead over all that adulation.

My friend J, who started the program at the same time I did, and who moved to Texas from Indiana because she couldn't get a practicum site anywhere in her state (Imagine! Turning down free help!), had planned to take me to dinner that night so we ate in one of the hotel restaurants. Mom, The Girl, and one of my neuronerd friends tagged along. Again, we kept ourselves amused by exhibiting socially questionable behavior. After dinner we went to the bar, and ran into even more of my friends. Let's just say I couldn't move without someone buying me a drink. Then the VFW Junior Vice Commanders from all 50 states & Puerto Rico showed up. Mom & I are both life members of the Ladies' Auxiliary. Those guys live to carouse, so from what I remember, we were in good company. We closed down the bar and poured ourselves into our Heavenly Beds. The beds at the Westin are out of this world.

Tuesday, July 17

I did nooooot want to get up. While I wasn't sick, I had a bit of a headache and just wanted to sleep. What I needed to do, however, was finish my Keynote Presentation for my dissertation defense, which was to take place in 2 more days. There's a mall attached to the Crown Center complex, so Mom & The Girl explored there while I slept and half-assed worked on my presentation. By the time they got there around 2, it was definitely time for me to eat, so we went to a burger place in the mall called Fritz's that serves the food via an interesting model train and hydraulics system. It was definitely a kid restaurant but fun, the food was pretty good and we enjoyed it. Then I went back to the room and worked on that presentation some more. Oh joy.

Later there was a welcome reception for everyone. More friends - more wine...(see, I told you there was a theme...) and a balloon/Heineken bottle sculpture, as pictured above. By this time, The Girl is starting to figure out that grad school may not be so bad after all. Mom, The Girl, my program advisor, another student & I then went to a lovely Japanese restaurant and proceeded to order one of just about everything. We loved the food, but the company was better.

Wednesday, July 18

First things first, I've been on the committee for a student-led scholarship auction for the last 5 years, so I held my last hurrah. Mom bought me an anatomically-correct caveman with interchangeable "clothing" and a Sigmund Freud action figure. He was hawked as "Therapy so easy a caveman can do it."

I had previously scheduled a lunch with my program advisor, but don't get to see her often so even though we'd had dinner the night before, we took her to Fritz's for the train-delivered burger. Her favorite part was the chocolate shake. Once we got back to the hotel, we ran into my chair and she wanted to go over the edits she wants to see in the next week or so. It's simple stuff, just expanding and explaining some areas a little better. No big deal.

Since The Man was going to join us around 7, around 3 I checked he & me into the adjoining room & so sis could take my bed when she got there.

One of the students I mentored when she entered the program had scheduled a dinner in my honor at Pierpont's restaurant (and ginormous wall o' booze) in the historic Union Station building at 8:30. The Man arrived at the hotel at 8:20 and the restaurant was going to stop serving at 9 so we had to book it across the skywalk to get there in time. There were about 20 people there, all gushing about how I had helped them or inspired them in some way during their time with me in school. By this time Mom & The Girl were getting used to it, but this was The Man's first exposure to people in my program en masse. so I think it was a little overwhelming for him, but he seemed pleased.

The day before we left, The Girl spent 6 & 1/2 hours raking grass which was almost long enough to bale, and hauling it to the back of the hayfield. The Man didn't pay her for it, as he would normally, but she didn't complain. While we were at Mom's best friend's house, I printed off the pictures he had emailed me of the car and stashed the paper in my purse. I gave it to him at the restaurant. He leaned over to her, handed her the paper and said, "Do you think this will do as payment for all that work you've done around the house this summer?" You should have seen her face. Of course everybody had to give him shit, "What? Dr.S is graduating but The Girl gets a new car?"

After the dinner, we waited in the lobby for my sister to arrive around midnight from Walla Walla with - you guessed it - more wine. A case of reallllly good stuff plus 4 more bottles in her suitcase, to be exact. Hate that. Sucks to be me.

Thursday, July 19

I don't know what the hell everybody else did all day, but I finished that fucking presentation, then felt nauseous until it was over. Okay, we had lunch at Milano, which is an excellent Italian place, and I don't usually eat Italian out because people fuck it up so badly. I don't eat most things at Macaroni Grill and won't even darken the door of an Olive Garden. Other than that though, it was all about polishing that Keynote presentation for me.

My other sister and her little boy came to the hotel and a cousin thankfully came to pick him up so he wouldn't have to be bored and get in trouble for trying to entertain himself during my talk. My dad, his new wife and my brother (who left his little boy at an uncle's house) came in from about 15 miles from my home. My father and his scary woman were also there. So there's mom, her ex in-laws and her first 2 husbands and their wives and all but one of my siblings, who had to go fight terrorism somewhere, all getting along like peas and carrots. It was weird. Good, but weird. Five minutes into my talk, I notice two of my very dearest neuronerd friends sitting there wiping tears from their eyes! I hadn't settled into my groove yet so it was necessary for me to stop and tell them to stop immediately or I would have to join them in their bawlfest and then we might never get out of there.

Once I finished the presentation, my associate dean led the questioning by asking me, aside from the results I got on my research, what was the thing I was most pleased about. I told her that I was just happy I didn't projectile vomit on her and the other members of my committee. I think the only thing that saved me was that I had the hotel bring in a long, skirted table under the guise of setting up my computer on it, but in reality I just wanted to be able to take off my shoes since it's murder to stand in heels for over an hour. My chair was pleased with my work and informed me that she had never seen a dissertation talk so well put together. Much beloved second faculty reader was very happy with the way I discussed the many shortcomings of the Folstein Mini Mental Status Exam (unfortunately the most often used "tool" discussed in geriatric research) for diagnosing dementia. He also told me that he had never seen a dissertation presentation so well attended. The room was set up with 40 chairs. They were all full.

Sometime early on in my talk, I noticed that Grandpa left and never came back. My aunt said to me after it was over that before he left he leaned over to her and whispered, "I gotta pee. This is the longest damned wedding I've ever seen." He then waited in the hotel lobby until it was over.

Afterwards, we all adjourned to a friend suite for a lovely wine (duh) and cheese reception. We got around the weird ass KC liquor laws by serving in a suite, where you can serve whatever you want, instead of the room where the defense was held, like the hotel wanted us to do. It was big fun, and after not having the guts to eat dinner, that was the bestest gawddamn cheese I ever ate. The wine though was outstanding. I'm so glad I didn't pay the hotel $45 a bottle for the K-J. My sister & I stayed up until 3:30 talking and solving all the problems of the world.

The picture here is of my last slide...the text and Devo's "Working in a Coal Mine" came in first, and each tool element came up at .1 second intervals in time with the opening strains of the song. It was cool.

Friday, July 20
With the dissertation defense out of the way, I could really relax. The Girl went with my sisters and our father to Worlds of Fun, which The Girl describes as kind of like Six Flags but lamer. Mom & I took The Man to Quick's then went back to the hotel for a nap, then we went to see Harry Potter. Yes, we're all fans - Mom even bought the book the day it came out.

Suz & her new husband and daughter came in right before the movie was over. My sisters went to our aunt's house to spend the night so the remaining 7 of us went to my favorite restaurant, Morton's, for dinner. The Man & I had our first "date" at the one in Nashville many moons ago and try to go to them if we're in a town that has one. We go to the one in Dallas sometimes too, but of all of them it tends to be the noisiest. Of course with the Social Skills family, none of whom had ever been to a restaurant much nicer than an Applebee's, in tow, the one in KC was probably a bit noisier than usual this time. They brought me a little bottle of champagne. It was cute. The best part of the meal though was the chocolate truffle cake and Douwe Egberts coffee. I have wet dreams about that stuff.

My camera takes pretty crappy pictures so I'm waiting for people to email them to me, although I don't think any were taken here.

Saturday, July 21, Graduation Day!
First thing was a champagne brunch for the graduates. The menu was visually appealing, kind of a higher-end version of Grandpa's egg McMuffin, but with a poached egg jiggling about on top of each side of the English muffin. Ewwwww - runny egg goo gives me the huzz, so I just ate the Canadian bacon, grilled asparagus & tomatoes and had an extra glass of champagne. The whole point of the brunch though was for the office of development to hit us up for alumni donations. Fuck that shit. Let me at least pay off my student loans. Jeez.

The Man & I walked around the mall for awhile and I remembered that it was the 7th anniversary of when our neice was killed in a helicopter crash while on vacation in Hawaii. She would have been 22 this December. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him if he had talked to his brother yet that day. We had some frozen custard while we watched the kids play in the fountains outside then went back to the room so he could talk to his brother. It was sad but in a way I think a necessary part of what he needed to do that day. They usually spend the weekends hanging out together doing cow & hay stuff so it was probably harder for them this year since they couldn't be around to distract one another from the gravity of the day. I decided around 4:30 to grab some dinner since it would be the only chance I'd have once the festivities got underway. The Man wasn't hungry because he was busy reliving his grief so I gave him some space and went anyway. Not to worry - I wasn't alone. My sisters & nephew, The Girl, & Suz's family tagged along.

I had to be downstairs at 6 for robing. Although I had the option of spending a mere $25 for the rental gown instead of the nearly grand I did for custom gear, I am so happy I bought my shit. The rental gowns looked as if they had been used for pajamas and they smelled like dirty feet. I looked sharp as hell in my black robe with the PhD blue velvet and matching blue velvet tam. I was the only one who didn't go for the rental robes but gawddammit I earned that PhD blue velvet so I wore it proudly even though I stuck out - no - make that stood out, in my typical grand style. I'll post pictures when I get them.

In the 10 minutes between the group photo and time to line up, the outgoing student body president & I decided we had just enough time to saunter down to the bar to do a shot. In our robes. Hell yeah. The bartender gave us "doctoral size" Lemon Drops that were about twice the amount typically served. My brother happened to be in the bar (big surprise) and even picked up our tab (even bigger surprise) as we slammed our glasses down on the bar to head back upstairs to do our thing. It really hit the spot, but I was wishing for some ice water or something after sitting on that stage for the next 2 hours.

We had an unusually large class of 15 this time but the Awfully Persnickety Association really wants PhDs to be finished in under 10 years, so the school is pushing those with longer tenures to get the hell out. Whether they graduate or quit is up to them. At our graduations, each graduate speaks - theoretically for 2-3 minutes, but these folks maundered ON and ON and ON and they were boring and sad and I kept thinking, "Isn't this supposed to be a celebration? What the fuck is wrong with these people? Stupid shrinks," et cetera. My last name is wayyyyyy down the alphabet so I had the honor of going last - and I felt a pressing responsibility to bring up the mood of the room (over half of which was there just to see me walk). Soooo, again in my usual grand style, I basically performed a 3-minute comedy routine. My antics (which included donning a big, fat sparkly tiara with my tam) had everyone laughing and smiling and ready for the wonderful party in the ballroom next door. If you're interested, I'll post it in a day or two.

The party afterwards was lovely, with a DJ, dancing, open bar, and the most beautiful dessert table you can imagine. We weren't finished celebrating after it was over at midnight, and we still weren't finished celebrating after we closed down the bar at 1am. The Man went upstairs but Mom, the Sisters & I hung out in the lobby with many friends until beyond the wee hours. My friend with the suite brought out a tray of homemade lasagne and more wine and we begged wine glasses from room service and found a corkscrew and someone else got a couple of bottles of champagne from room service.

When Sister #2 was leaving to go to the airport at 4:30, Mom, Sister #3 & I went upstairs (I'm the oldest, so I would be Sister #1). I knew The Man wanted to leave at 7am, so instead of going bed, I just showered and packed so we'd be ready to go when he was. I knew he'd want to drive so I planned to sleep on the way. It was the least I could do since he'd pretty much gone along with whatever I wanted to do since he'd been there.

Sunday, July 22

Once I navigated The Man out of KC, which, BTW, is the single most underrated city in the United States, I went to sleep and didn't wake up until we were in Emporia, about an hour & 1/2 away. Apparently The Man travels differently than we do. He likes to stop at McDonald's. I was already over my 10-year allotment of their food and was a little tired so I didn't have the energy to complain. I navigated him back onto the turnpike and didn't wake up again until it was time to get off of it and back onto I-35. Went back to sleep until Oklahoma City, where we stopped at - you guessed it - McDonald's again, then drifted in & out for the rest of the drive until we picked up his demo at the place where he works.

Honestly, I was a little worried that I might not be able to stay awake long enough to get Mom, The Girl & me back home but we made it just fine. When The Girl & I got here, her car was parked in the garage, all shiny & red. She thought she wanted a black Mustang but after driving this one she thinks she'll like it better because it's higher up where she can see better, and like me she's so incredibly tall.

Our delight was tempered when we got in the house though. Friday night while we were gone, our much beloved 11-year-old Labrador Retriever, Boomer, had been run over and killed by a car. The Man called our son in law to help him retrieve the dog from the ditch & bury him at the back of the hayfield with our other pets who've crossed over the Rainbow Bridge to wait for us. I miss that dog and can barely look at the pool without expecting to see him in it. My little red dog Sam is just whining and grieving over him.

So there you have it sports fans. The full report. I'll post pics as I get them in.

Imminent Defense

As if cranking out an additional arbitrary number of pages to my dissertation Saturday night wasn't enough torture, last night I remembered that my defense is a week from tomorrow and I have to make a Keynote presentation about my research. Because once Mom, The Girl & I saddle up & ride out of town Friday morning, we will be visiting & commiserating with family, friends and my NeuroNerd colleagues and there will be precious little time to work on it. I've learned after all this time in gradual school that work does not get done at these week-long intensives. Sooo, I have to get it done by the time I hit the sheets tomorrow night. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Not that making a presentation in and of itself is that hard. Really, that's the easy part. The event is open to the public, so the hard part is distilling it down to an approximately 45-minute talk that will make sense to the non-neuronerd people in the audience - like my 80-something grandparents, redneck relations and teenage daughter. It takes a good 3 hours for me to read the damn thing - and I wrote it. I'm trying to just hit the high points but, unlike the prattling witnessed here, my academic writing style is so tight as to make it difficult to decide what to include. I'm not even through the literature review and have 27 slides. Gaah.

Did I mention The Girl has a flute lesson in town (30 miles away) today and I still have errands to run, a meeting with the insurance guy and need to get a pedicure in the midst of all this? Of course I didn't because errands and flute lessons and general mom stuff is just part of the deal of being a mom, right? What the hell is my family going to do when I actually have to go to work at a real job? They'll starve and be naked and have to figure out how to run their own damn errands, I guess.

At any rate, The Girl & I were shopping yesterday for a plain black pencil skirt for me to wear at the defense and the graduation because after 7 years of sitting on my ass in front of a computer and moving nothing but my fingers (which, by the way, does NOT constitute a workout), said ass has expanded beyond the capacity of my previous plain black pencil skirts. Honestly, I didn't think they wanted me to go commando under my robes. Good luck finding anything other than tacky-ass tank tops and flip flops in Texas in July, right? So we were at Macy's in Fort Worth when what to my wondering eyes did appear but a gorgeous red Liz Claiborne suit - half off - my favorite color and in my new giant economy size! Could I be any luckier!? I did a little "Woohoo! Hell Yeah!" dance and happily whisked it away.

So now, when I defend my dissertation, I will be using my red-clad Mac, a luscious red Keynote background for the presentation and be rockin' in my new red suit with a black silk chemise and black suede pumps with little black ribbons criss crossing over the vamp - HAWWTTT. It will be a power evening, for sure. Oh, then there will be much red wine at the reception afterwards. Let's just hope the room isn't green, so the event doesn't have the visual appeal of a fucking Christmas tree, shall we?

Am I nervous about the defense? Actually, not in the least. Know why? Of course you don't, because I haven't told you, yet. I am not nervous because it's my research. Nobody on this planet knows more about it than I do. Sure, my committee has read through it a couple of times, and they'll be asking questions when I finish, but I own it. I AM the expert.

Advancement to Candidacy

Advancement to Doctoral Candidacy

The status of Advancement to Doctoral Candidacy will be automatically conferred upon students who have achieved the following steps in their doctoral programs:

1. Completion of the Learning Plan.

2. Approval of the dissertation proposal and all pre-requisite requirements of proposal approval.

3. Completion of the Comprehensive Assessment and all pre-requisite requirements of the Comprehensive Assessment.

4. Completion of a minimum of 55 units of academic course credit in the knowledge areas.

5. Clinical psychology students only: Completion of the minimum hours for residency, psychological assessment labs, and clinical practicum. If the pre-internship evaluation is required of your catalog, this must also be completed.

With the exception of #2, all of the above have been done for at least 2 years. Today, #2's official. Don't expect to hear much from me for a few days. I have to crank out the last 2 chapters with a quickness.

You KNOW I totally just ordered my doctoral robe, hood, tam and tassel...gotta have that Ph.D. blue velvet, bayybee! It will be shipped mid-June. I can hardly wait.

How the Hell Did That Happen?

You ever have one of those surreal, trippy experiences when you've waited and worked for something for for what seems like forever under suboptimal conditions, and then when it happens it doesn't seem quite real? Yeah, me too. Today. My dissertation proposal was approved. I just know I'm going to wake up any minute to another round of revisions.

Now I just have to write the last 2 chapters in the next week if I'm going to graduate in July. No pressure, or anything.

PS
I'm on my way out the door to chaperone a band trip. Just when I really want to celebrate with a lovely adult libation I can't. Drat.

tags technorati : dissertation, woohoo

What Do You Mean I Get Graded, Too?

So this morning in class the kids were doing their "major project" presentations and things were progressing swimmingly. I moved seats to get a better view of the presenters and what to my wondering eyes did appear sitting in one of the desks behind me, but my boss, the Chair of the Humanities Department of the college. How the hell he got in without my knowledge is beyond me. Apparently I underestimate the sneakiness.

This may come as some surprise but my language in class tends to be rather colorful. It's not uncommon for me to say "shit" or any of its derivatives at least a dozen times in our hour and a half time slot. Today however, the students were the teachers, not me. My role was try to engage the observers in asking questions of the presenters about their material. Given the uncivilized hour of our class that's hard to do. Unless, of course, we're talking about sex. Then I can't get them to shut up.

So I introduced Dr. Sneakiness to the class, and as he rose to leave he handed me a performance evaluation. He had been *GASP* grading me the entire time he was there - however long that was. Actually that's probably good because had I known he was there I don't know how I would have reacted. I'm just really glad I'm through lecturing and all that's left are project presentations and the final, which only about six students have to take.

Oh? The evaluation? Perfect marks all the way down the line. Good thing he didn't come last Tuesday for the social psych lecture I blasted through so we'd have time to review for the exam. I think I said shit 20 times and fuck at least once. I'd have definitely been dinged for professionalism...Man, was it my lucky day or what?

tags technorati : teaching, woohoo

I Made Someone Think?

Wow, I was tagged by Slick for a "Thinking Blogger" award. You've got to be kidding me. I'm honored that someone thinks I made them think but all we've been talking about here since Wednesday is vaginas. Well, since the honor did come from a redneck male and they typically like to think about vaginas, maybe it's not so far off the mark.

So, my job now is to tag and link 5 bloggers who make me think.

Dr. X: A trip to Dr. X's Free Associations is a treat because of his integration of history, psychology and science lightly seasoned with a smattering of well-reasoned opinion. The photo of the day is a bonus I look forward to every day.

PZ Meyers over at Pharyngula. I love his rants on creationism and fundamentalism but his Friday Cephalopod is the best thing since fried squid.

Matt: at Behavioral Ecology. Who knew mice had STDs?

Fantasy Writer Guy: for the ever-growing challenge of alien communication.

Corinna: the mastermind behind A Celebration of Curves. Not necessarily for making me think, because we think a lot of the same thinks, but for opening up a touchy subject in a loving and compassionate way so that others might think.

Another WooHoo!! Moment

Exciting news dead ahead: I just got word from the IRB that my dissertation research has been approved! Most of the people I know who have had to deal with that particular committee end up going 'round and 'round with them, eating up months of precious time they could be working on getting finished. Fortunately (or possibly not), the data I plan to use are archival (already existing in a database at the hospital) so since the IRB deals with potential injury to human subjects and in this case there are no humans to be subjected, it's a go. Now if I can just get my proposal approved by my dissertation committee, I'll be able to get a move on and get finished already.

Gotta scoot - The Man sprung a last-minute dinner party on me so I have to go throw some dead things on the grill & be the hostess with the mostest. Oh what fun it is to ride.

SPSS Does That?

One of the early steps in examining research data is to run a correlation matrix, which is a table that describes the direction and strength of relationships between research variables. Depending on how many variables you're looking at, the thing can be pretty large - not to mention confusing. Since I'm a highly visual person, one of the things I do with one of these is to color-code the cells that show a significant relationship between variables. It's one of the organizational tricks I use that keeps me from blankly staring at these huge sheets of rows upon rows of numbers, which are usually pretty meaningless to me. Since my first forays into research in my undergraduate program, I've used Sharpie markers or highlighters or whatever I can get my hands on to outline the "important" cells with different colors for each variable or specific groups of variables. This practice helps me a) develop a good visual representation of the relationships between the research variables and 2) zero in directly on the important stuff from across the room when I'm attempting to write about what it all means.

There have been a few problems with this procedure. SPSS prints out the variable row headers on every page, which isn't exactly conducive to my organizational style so before I can add color to the cells, this practice has always involved printing out the correlation matrix, then folding, cutting, aligning and taping the sheets together so they form a coherent whole while saving space by eliminating all those extra headers. That's one problem, and it isn't going to go away unless I can obtain one of those really huge printers that print off newsprint-size sheets. The other problem is that it looks pretty messy, what with all those outlines and marker marks all over it. Oh, and then there's the problem of not always having enough different colors and/or the necessity of driving nearly 20 miles to the nearest office supply store to get more, so I usually make do with what's on hand (see pic above). Hideous, but it works for me to begin organizing this kind of information in my head, since I am NOT a numbers person.

I've used Microsoft Excel since first returning to junior college about 10 years ago (Yikes! Has it really been that long!?), so I knew you could add color to cells in that program, but alas, for statistical analyses in the social sciences, we use SPSS when doing quantitative research, and as far as I knew, with the exception of pie charts, graphs, histograms, et cetera, color wasn't possible in SPSS. Grr.

Yesterday was my lucky day. I was futzing about with a random dataset to re-acclimate myself to SPSS and ran a correlation matrix so I could begin the process of taping, cutting, folding and coloring so the relationships between the variables will all make sense to me. Then I accidentally double-clicked on the table and a second window titled "SPSS PIvot Table" opened, with the table in it - only in this second window the cells were editable INCLUDING COLOR! Not only could I color in the cells containing statistically significant information, I could also vary the amount of color dependent upon the strength of the relationship! I just about peed myself. All that was necessary was to click & highlight the cell I wanted to edit, then go to the "format" dropdown menu. It was intuitive from there. The final product ended up looking like this (OooOOoooh, pretty!):



For the uninitiated, in case you're wondering about the black cells, those are the ones that indicate a variable's relationship with itself, which is always going to be perfect, so we don't even consider that information when designing the study. The reasons I only color in the bottom half are 1) because the information in the top half is essentially a mirror image of the bottom half, so I'm not going do twice the work for the same information and b) I'm short, so since I usually tack these up on the wall so I can back up and really look at them, it's easier for me to get to the bottom half ;o)

Granted, it was still necessary to cut, fold, align and tape the sheets after printing, but it just looks so much cleaner. Yeah, good times. (Gawd I'm a nerd...)

This Just In...

Woo Fuckin' HOO! Guess what? Guess WHAT!? GUESS WHAT!!?? Much Beloved Reader #2 was able to talk Dr. Big Name into serving as external reader for my dissertation! Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker! I might get this chingaderra (translation from Spanish: fucking thingy) done after all. Dr. Big Name must have owed Beloved Reader #2 one Helluva favor. Lucky me.

....Dancing off into the sunset with a very large glass of something lovely...woo hoo....woo hoo...woo hoo...woo hoo...