the blog formerly known as "Maunderings from Dissertation Hell" and "Prattling in Postdoc Purgatory"
Wind her up & watch her go!
Random blather and nattering of a newly licensed clinical neuropsychologist juggling a budding private practice, family, volunteering and sanity. I am a highly trained professional. Don't try this at home, kids.
Jesus vs. the Easter Bunny - Thanks, Mom (I didn't say they had to be "real" famous people)
Sitting in the Bunker (this was funnier the first time I watched it)
Surely if we all pull together we can come up with better than these. Next week: Flatulence. Yes, Natalia, honey, your dinosaur extinction video will be included. I saved it for just such an occasion. ;o)
Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby summoned to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:
1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud. b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.
Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be easy. The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.
What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).
Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to: condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com
You remember how yesterday I said I kept expecting to wake up and it wasn't true? Yeah, me too. Well, it wasn't. Turns out I totally misunderstood. What was approved was for my proposal to be sent to the entire committee. So that means that Her Majesty My Dissertation Chair and the AD, Dr. Toosick, approve. I got approval from Much Beloved and Brilliant Second Reader and the external, Dr. BigName today. Not a bad gig overall. Still the last holdout is the consulting faculty. Hold your breath and send much positive energy her way to blind her to my faulty methodology in compassion for a poor specimen of mathematicus retardii.
Okay, back to the kids.
PS Coffee mugs make great camouflage for red wine... ;oD
You ever have one of those surreal, trippy experiences when you've waited and worked for something for for what seems like forever under suboptimal conditions, and then when it happens it doesn't seem quite real? Yeah, me too. Today. My dissertation proposal was approved. I just know I'm going to wake up any minute to another round of revisions.
Now I just have to write the last 2 chapters in the next week if I'm going to graduate in July. No pressure, or anything.
PS I'm on my way out the door to chaperone a band trip. Just when I really want to celebrate with a lovely adult libation I can't. Drat.
You know, people ask me all the time, "drsharna, why are y'all psychologist peopleses the nuttiest, craziest, most bizarro motherfuckers out there?" Seriously, I never knew until I started trying to write this stupid dissertation thingy. You know, the one that makes raising a teenager look like a piece of cake. Today I figured it out. We're all batshit crazy because our dissertation committees drive us there, drop us off and force us to find our way back - barefoot - in the snow - uphill - both ways - blindfolded - spinning plates - on our noses - riding a unicycle - with no seat - while juggling rabid porcupines - and running chainsaws. If we make it back alive then people have to call us Doctor forevermore. Good thing it doesn't matter if we're still cogntively intact. If not, well then just go ahead and sign us up to work "down to the WalMarts," because after all the nonsense and hoops we have to jump through we're reduced to blithering idiots. That's all I have to say about that. Must. Have. Rest.
PS Note to self: Go down to the walmarts and pick up a greeter application after class...
So this morning in class the kids were doing their "major project" presentations and things were progressing swimmingly. I moved seats to get a better view of the presenters and what to my wondering eyes did appear sitting in one of the desks behind me, but my boss, the Chair of the Humanities Department of the college. How the hell he got in without my knowledge is beyond me. Apparently I underestimate the sneakiness.
This may come as some surprise but my language in class tends to be rather colorful. It's not uncommon for me to say "shit" or any of its derivatives at least a dozen times in our hour and a half time slot. Today however, the students were the teachers, not me. My role was try to engage the observers in asking questions of the presenters about their material. Given the uncivilized hour of our class that's hard to do. Unless, of course, we're talking about sex. Then I can't get them to shut up.
So I introduced Dr. Sneakiness to the class, and as he rose to leave he handed me a performance evaluation. He had been *GASP* grading me the entire time he was there - however long that was. Actually that's probably good because had I known he was there I don't know how I would have reacted. I'm just really glad I'm through lecturing and all that's left are project presentations and the final, which only about six students have to take.
Oh? The evaluation? Perfect marks all the way down the line. Good thing he didn't come last Tuesday for the social psych lecture I blasted through so we'd have time to review for the exam. I think I said shit 20 times and fuck at least once. I'd have definitely been dinged for professionalism...Man, was it my lucky day or what?
Frog Ownage - with a special amphibian appearance by Slick
Dazzer: Cane Toad -Okay he's not a frog, but he is funny in a poor amphibian trash kind of way.
Frog - the fat kid slays me
All of these were gleaned from YouTube by yours truly. The submissions I received (yes, all 3 of them) didn't quite hit the mark, so I'm giving you a theme for next week: Famous People.
The rules are simple: 1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud. b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.
I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be easy. The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.
What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).
Go ahead - submit - you know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to: condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com
I don't know if I've mentioned it, but The Girl is Just. The. Coolest. Chick. Ever. A typical Texas girl, she's been shooting guns since she was old enough to hold one by herself and she got her first rifle of her very own when she was 11. She's always enjoyed shooting and even took her first deer this winter. Last fall she started working with the local 4-H shooting sports group and has done pretty well in light rifle events. However, Thursday afternoon at practice, she picked up a bow and arrow at the shooting range, and absolutely fell in love with it. Today (Saturday), she took second place in the senior division in a statewide 4-H basic archery event.
The best part for her though was that even though we had to get up at 5am, she had a blast and made a ton of new friends. She just walks up to people, introduces herself and starts talking to them like she's known them her whole life. It's the damnedest thing I've ever seen.
Wow, I was tagged by Slick for a "Thinking Blogger" award. You've got to be kidding me. I'm honored that someone thinks I made them think but all we've been talking about here since Wednesday is vaginas. Well, since the honor did come from a redneck male and they typically like to think about vaginas, maybe it's not so far off the mark.
So, my job now is to tag and link 5 bloggers who make me think.
Dr. X: A trip to Dr. X's Free Associations is a treat because of his integration of history, psychology and science lightly seasoned with a smattering of well-reasoned opinion. The photo of the day is a bonus I look forward to every day.
PZ Meyers over at Pharyngula. I love his rants on creationism and fundamentalism but his Friday Cephalopod is the best thing since fried squid.
Matt: at Behavioral Ecology. Who knew mice had STDs?
Corinna: the mastermind behind A Celebration of Curves. Not necessarily for making me think, because we think a lot of the same thinks, but for opening up a touchy subject in a loving and compassionate way so that others might think.
Okay kids, I have a crapload of work to do today on the stupid fucking dissertation thingy, but I want to share a new game The Girl and her friends have been playing sort of in protest for all the recent hoo-ha about the public use of the word, "Vagina." You know, it's perfectly acceptable to utter the words spleen or elbow but never clinical terminology for female naughty bits because it might be - well, just too naughty and they'll be having none of that in Fundie-Land, thankyouverymuch.
The rules are simple and I want you to play along.
1. Pick a movie title (or 90). 2. Substitute the word "vagina" in an appropriate place in the title. 3. Post a comment with your new movie title here in Hell.
Some examples that had us in tears last night:
Talledega Vagina Vagina on 34th Street Hotel Vagina The Vagina Crashers Finding Vaginaland Pirates of the Vagina The Vagina Conspiracy Fun With Dick and Vagina Napoleon Vagina Brokeback Vagina The Manchurian Vagina Charlie and the Vagina Factory I, Vagina The 40-Year-Old Vagina Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Vaginas and my personal favorite: My Big Fat Greek Vagina
Have fun and I'll be in tomorrow with more dissertation bitching. I'm looking forward to your responses!
PS If you need help, get thee to Netflix. Tell 'em drsharna sent you.
The Kingdom Hearts version - dredged up by me, just to round things out.
Sigh. Surely y'all can do better than that. Please try to remember that there is a teenager with a warped sense of humor living in my house. As such, I stopped laughing at this about six months ago. I only included it this time because it was really funny the first thirty thousand times I heard it. Don't ever send it again or the wrath of a thousand imaginary friends will rain down upon your head.
As a counter point, I offer you a little Russian tale about a lonely bull, entitled, "Latex." Don't worry, you don't have to speak Russian or read Cyrillic to get it. The moral of the story is that with a little perseverence, you'll get it in the end.
Besides our generous Texas hospitality, around here we're also known for our ever-growing hummingbird population. About ten years ago I started out with one 8-ounce feeder, then rapidly needed another. The second year I added 2 more, then 2 more the year after that. Last year I had to upgrade to six 16-ounce feeders and in the heat of the summer, those little guys consumed that much every day. I really should add 2 more this year because they come back every year - and they bring their friends.
Their antics are delightful to watch and they are just about the most fearless creatures I've ever seen. The video isn't mine, but it shows some wonderful examples of how engaging they can be. They're fast learners, curious, and once they figure out you're not going to hurt them, they'll get right in your face to check you out. I love sitting on the patio early in the morning & late in the evening when they are most active just to commiserate with them. The Man is even in on it. At first he didn't understand why on earth I'd want to feed a bunch of silly little birds. After all, you can't eat them. All of the feeders are fully visible from the sunroom, where he reads the paper on the weekends. When he started pointing them out to me, I knew he'd been hooked by their charms too.
If you want to attract hummingbirds to your own yard, there are a few things you should know.
First, one huge myth about hummers is that they are attracted to red. They see the full spectrum of color and are just as likely to visit a blue, yellow or purple flower as any other. Their main diet consists mainly of flower nectar and small insects and spiders. They use what we offer them for quick bursts of energy - kind of in the manner in which we'd eat a Snickers bar. They're not stupid. They know which flowers and bugs are suitable for their needs and they know what's in our feeders. We don't have to do anything extra to make them more attractive.
It is unnecessary to buy commercial hummingbird food. That stuff is full of artificial dyes that are probably more detrimental to their tiny systems than they are to ours. The experts say to just use a plain sugar-water solution at about 1 part sugar to 4 or 5 parts water, although the solution I make up is about 1 part sugar to 1 or 2 parts water. Just use plain old white cane sugar. They don't particularly like beet sugar. Never use honey, fruit juice, brown sugar or turbinado sugars because the naturally occurring impurities promote faster growth of bacteria and mold, which can kill your hummer friends. You don't have to boil the water although using hot water makes dissolving the sugar easier. Distilled water isn't necessary either. Believe it or not, tap water because it offers extra minerals is considered best. I usually let it sit on the counter for a few hours or overnight to allow the solution to cool to room temperature and to give the chlorine time to evaporate out.
It's particularly important though to keep the feeders clean and change the solution frequently. Bacteria and mold can grow in them at a rather alarming rate, particularly during hot weather. Hot weather can also make your sugar solution ferment and drunk hummingbirds are dead hummingbirds.
For capacity and ease of cleaning, by far the best feeders I've found anywhere are the "Humdinger" feeders, manufactured by Turbine industries in Wichita Falls, Texas. They don't draw bees or ants and are guaranteed to only feed hummingbirds. This is my second year using them and although I've seen the odd bee or wasp hovering around the feeders, they give up fairly quickly because they can't get to the sugar water.
Because the weather here warms fairly quickly, I put the first feeder out half-full on Valentine's Day just in case we get some early arrivals. I usually see the first one around the first of March. Gradually I add more feeders and more sugar water in the feeders until all of them are out and full - around the first of May. In peak season I have to refill them every day. Then around Labor day I start cutting back on the amount of sugar water in the feeders and the number of feeders until the last one is left out half-full. I take it down around the first of November, or later if I'm still seeing them.
Last but not least, if you can't make that kind of commitment to their care, don't do it. They become accustomed to that food source and there may not be another one within a reasonable distance. Taking it away from them wouldn't be fair. Not only that, but they'll find someplace else to go when they return next year - like, maybe my house.
You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood. Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.
In my internet travels today I fell absolutely head over heels in love with Corinna Makris, blog goddess of A Celebration of Curves, and proprietess of This Lush Life. Do go by and visit her. You'll be glad you did.
My visits to her sites this morning started me thinking (ohh no! anything but that!). You see, the last couple of years have brought about a lot of changes in the way that I think about a lot of things, particularly how I view myself and my place in the world. I've realized that there's a pretty good chance I'm never going to be a size 6 again but you know what? It doesn't matter. I am perfectly happy with me just as I am - a little rounder but gorgeous...dead-sexy...and have I mentioned that my tits are fabulous? We're talking about the stuff of legends, here. But it's not the size of my brassiere or my voluptuous round ass that make me sexy. It's not what I choose to wear (or not) or who's coming on to me - and believe it or not they still come on to me - men and women. It's what's between my ears that makes it all happen. It's those neurons pumping 24/7. I'm smart, funny, engaging, a good listener and can hold a conversation about almost anything. Then there's the sexual self-confidence I carry from the breadth of my experiences. It's knowing that I possess the sexual knowledge and power to leave anyone weak and breathless, in a pool of their desire for nothing more than more of me because they can never get enough, even though there's a little more to go around than there used to be. Yeah baby, it've got it like that.
I'm not the only one not waiting around until I'm skinny again before I live my life to its fullest. Check out the confident, beautiful, smart and sexy Joy Nash (yeah, I would soo do her):
Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby summoned to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my new regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." The rules are simple:
1)It has to make me laugh - out loud. b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.
I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be easy. The videos will be posted on Monday mornings, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.
What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).
Go ahead - submit - you know you want to. Just send the video or the link, your name or username and website address to: condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com
