Angst

Last Saturday I re-took the oral exam for licensure. Texas is one of only a handful of states, including Georgia, Louisiana, Oklahoma, West Virginia, New Jersey, Colorado & California, that still engages in this outdated, highly subjective final hoop to private practice. I passed the national written exam (EPPP) and the state jurisprudence (ethics) exam over four years ago at the Doctoral level within a few months of receiving my Master's degree. Then I finished my internship, and that pesky dissertation thingy to earn my PhD (the highest possible degree) and the last year I've been in postdoc. In most states that would be sufficient. Instead, I got to sit in front of the Inquisition and give answers to questions about an imaginary case off the top of my head instead of being able to consider all the aspects of the case beforehand - like I do every other day of my professional existence, during which I typically have a minimum of a week to mentally prepare for the the person who will spend time under my care. Neuropsychology a specialization that usually requires a referral. It's not 7-11. We just don't get walk-in traffic.

This time, I was able to manage my anxiety up front a lot better. Knowing what to expect going in went a long way toward not elevating that anxiety to the point where I was having panic attacks or feeling like I was going to vomit on the examiners (okay there were a few minutes at the beginning that I thought I might release the contents of my stomach onto the examination table but once we got underway, it wasn't so bad). I was able to conceptualize the case and articulate my considerations in a cogent manner and nailed the diagnosis (multiple sclerosis) right off the bat even though I'd been studying TBI (traumatic brain injury) because it comprises well over half of all neuropsychological issues. Then they started asking me about psychotherapy, which I don't do and I told them I would refer the patient and her boyfriend to someone else if they wanted couples' counseling. Still they insisted that I assume I had agreed to see them - together - for counseling - which I don't do. Ever. Psychoeducation...maybe a little crisis management with an appropriate referral, yes - but ongoing psychotherapy? Fuggedaboutit. Ain't happenin', pal. So I did the best I could to talk about an area that does not lie within my area of expertise. yippee.

I was able to tell them what I've done to enhance my professional skills without any trouble. In addition to telling them about keeping up with my continuing education as required, I talked about all the major assessment standardizations I worked on (WAIS-IV, WMS-IV, NEPSY-2, WNV, et cetera - my name's even in the manuals), talked about the continuing education module I wrote for NAPPP on cognitive care of the elderly, and about the presentation I did at our state psych association's convention on cognition and affect in the elderly. The older of the two nodded his head and got a look of "aha" recognition on his face. I think "Aha" guy was there - and I did seriously kick ass on that talk.

So I have to say that, also unlike last time, the two examiners were genuinely nice, friendly guys. There wasn't a Blackberry in sight. Nobody checked the two-way mirror for stray hairs or boogers and they appeared to be interested in what I had to say. When I got stuck, they tried to guide without giving the answer away. There were even several times when they said, "Good." I appreciated the positive feedback. Once when my answer was very succinct but to the point, they were looking at me kind of weird so I asked if they wanted further elaboration, "Aha" guy said, "No. Actually, that was exactly what we were looking for." I could see his score sheet and noticed several 8-point scores, so all that was good. Granted, there were some weak answers in there too, but they can't all be winners, and I just need 64 points to pass. After being escorted back to the holding room, I was dismissed within a few minutes, meaning that once again, I either failed miserably or I passed. I'll know in another 3 weeks or so when I get my notification letter.

It's that wait time that's killing me. I have a constant nagging in the pit of my stomach and every time I think of opening my results letter on the day that it arrives in the mail, I feel my blood pressure go up along with a wave of nausea that I haven't experienced since the early days of my pregnancy with The Girl. I'm having nightmares, waking up sweaty and in a panic, and am on the verge of tears at any given moment. These folks have the key to my professional future and all these years later I'm still whining and scratching at the door like a dog wanting to come in from the cold and be fed.

I've said repeatedly that Psychology is a field that eats its young. Had I known going in how treacherous the path would be, I'd have become a physician and would already have my training wheels off. The licensing process in psychology seems to be more about keeping new practitioners in a one-down position for as long as possible than anything else, and I wonder if they're really concerned with ensuring that there are enough practitioners available to serve our communities, especially in a state that is as grossly underserved as Texas. I've been formally studying psychology with the intent of becoming a psychologist since returning to college in the spring of 1997 and I cranked out 4 degrees in the next ten years. My doctoral program began in the fall of 2000. My training with actual patients began a year later. I graduated with 96 credits more than I needed for the PhD, including a concentration in neuropsychology and a 3.76 gpa to boot. That said, how much is enough?

So Long Suck Ass Year

2008 Sucked great big fat green donkey dicks. So much went wrong (hence the lack of blogging - I didn't want to bore you with the whining), yet somehow we managed to keep our home and family together. I'm so happy it's over and am looking forward to a brighter 2009. I'll re-take the oral licensing exam Saturday in Austin. Hopefully by Valentine's Day I'll be able to remove my training wheels, fly solo, and not worry about having to work under someone else's license - particularly those someones who forget to pay me for months on end.

Don't get me wrong. 2008 wasn't all bad. There are a number of things for which I am grateful. We have been blessed with good health and it's pretty clear by looking at us that we aren't missing any meals. I can finally tell the Grandtwins apart by looking at them. The Girl kicked ass as drum major, made All-Area band again and will try out Saturday to get into the All-State gig (yes the same day I do my orals - just 1 hour south of home instead of 3). The Man has decided that since he can't get a job anywhere he and our son in law (super-awesome guy, BTW) are going to start their own business repairing Ford vehicles in our barn. I have my own office in the next town over and have already seen 2 patients there in the 2 months since we took possession. My business partner is about to finish her PhD but already has her LSSP so we'll be able to do whatever we want pretty soon.

Things are happening and I can see wonderful opportunities on the horizon. This time next year I'll be in a whole different place financially and emotionally and maybe by then our business will be doing so well that we can afford at least a part-time clerical person.

Remind me to post pictures of the new place...

I May Be In Trouble...

The Man & I aren't much for New Years' resolutions. We just try to live the best way we can each day and move on without guilt if we don't live up to our own standards. So far that approach has worked for us for a long time. Well, that is until yesterday.

We hold dear the superstition that says whatever you are doing New Year's Day is what you'll find yourself doing all year long, so among other luxuries and indulgences of the day, we make it a point to start the new year off with a "bang," so to speak. Now we're not one of those couples who reserve nookie for birthdays, anniversaries and high holidays. No, any old time is fine. I don't make him beg for sex, don't use it as a weapon, and we are still as active as we were 14 years ago when we decided we liked each other well enough to spend time together naked. Actually we're more active now because we didn't live together until 3 years later, to the tune of anywhere from 3-7 consistently mutually satisfactory copulations a week after living under the same roof for over a decade. Nothing to sneeze at by any standards.

So yesterday right after our annual tradition of starting the new year off right, he says, something like, "My resolution is more sex this year." Seriously? More? For his age bracket he already gets tenfold more than any of his friends and cronies, and for people together and married as long as we have been we're ahead of the curve. Honestly, I'm not sure where we'll fit it in.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not complaining. I just might need to call in reinforcements. What's your sister's number?

...And The Ones That Mother Gives You Don't Do Anything At All

I haven't been sick in a long time - maybe two years. Until Tuesday, that is - whereupon I was hit by a Mack truck of a head cold and have been pretty much bedridden ever since. My sinuses feel as if I've sucked up a bucket of water through a straw and I have no strength to do much of anything besides lay around and watch TV. Seriously. TV. Me.

Finals for my community college class were over Monday, so that was already out of the way. I did go in and test patient #2 in my tiny shiny new office Thursday morning (pictures soon), and I did let The Girl host movie night at our house again Friday night, but one was for the money and the other was to know where The Girl and her friends were and what they were doing with their time now that the neverending football season is finally over after the Fundietonfieldvilleview Weirdmascosts lost the 4th playoff game - they're usually only good for one or two.

Now, I know the only cure for a cold is seven days - essentially just letting it run its course. I'm not sure what's the wort part about having a cold, though: the sickness itself (for which there is still no cure because people never catch the same variant twice) or the medications available to "alleviate" the symptoms. None of the medicines really seem to "do" anything. The "__-Quil" meds just make me sleep - even the daytime variety. Warm bourbon, honey and lemon makes a great cough syrup if you can stomach bourbon and don't plan to drive anywhere. I also like a good homemade chicken or potato soup when I'm sick or the Lipton noodle soup in the packet - just toss out half of the yellow salt powder before trying to cook it or it's too salty. Ginger ale and Sprite or 7Up are good, too because my mom always gave me those when I was a little kid. So what do you reach for when you're suffering from a cold?

H.M. Passes

H.M., a very famous neuropsychology patient, who had most of his temporal lobe and hippocampus (the purple bit in the picture) removed from both sides of his brain to control intractable seizures, passed away Tuesday at a nursing home in in Connecticut at the age of 82. He had been the subject of study for over 50 years and brought much new knowledge of the brain and memory to the field. His obituary can be found at the New York Times here.

In the interest of protecting his privacy, Mr. Henry Gustav Molaison was known to the world only as HM. I learned of him in my very first undergraduate introduction to psychology course (yes, the same course I teach at the local juco) back in 1986. I bet if you still have your intro psych text lying around somewhere, you can look up the chapter on memory and find him there. If he doesn't show up in the index under H.M. (which he usually doesn't), look under amnesia, hippocampus or memory, then flip to that section of the text. Go look - I'll wait. Then leave me a comment with the title, author and text where you found him.

A few books from my library that reference HM include:

Darby & Walsh (2005) Walsh's Neuropsychology: A Clinical Approach 5th ed. Elsevier; New York.

Kolb & Whishaw (2003) Fundamentals of Human Neuropsychology. Worth Publishers; New York.

Rosensweig, Leiman & Breedlove (1996) Biological Psychology. Sinauer; Sunderland, MA.

Wood, Wood & Boyd (2008) Mastering the World of Psychology 3rd ed. Allyn & Bacon; Boston. (this is the current intro psych text I use at the juco)

Prop 8 - The Musical

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Anticlimactic Acceptance

Okay, so yesterday I received an email from Giant Corporate University Online that I've finally passed muster and have been accepted into the loving arms of the faculty body. The process, beginning with the request for my resume May 16, has been ridiculously long. I have participated in nearly six months of "training," including several ever-smaller classes and finally teaching my first undergraduate class with someone watching over my shoulder. The last part was a good thing because I had an experienced faculty member to mentor me through the process.

Don't get me wrong. In this economy I'm happy to have another dribble of income. Every little bit helps and I'd really like to keep my car and keep The Girl's tuition current. The Man still isn't working, hay season is over, and we're living off of savings and 401K. We're not starving but that pool of money isn't unlimited. I'm working the community college gig again - 2 Psych 101 classes early MWF, leaving me the rest of the day to see patients or whatever. It's a fun job and I've done it enough now that the class basically runs itself. I have full autonomy to run my classes and my policies as I see fit and can be as hard ass as I please. Interestingly enough, the students meet every challenge I set for them and all of them say I'm their favorite instructor. The GCUO job pays a little more and I can do it in my jammies, but I have to do things in such a politically correct manner and have to worry about the faculty development team snooping around looking for things to hold against me. It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you...

The thing is, I'm just not excited about GCUO. The students didn't seem to have a clue about academic rigor, the importance of using APA format when writing papers (in pursuit of a psychology degree!? -SERIOUSLY??), or even what constitutes a scholarly reference. A couple of the students were adequate but most of them needed to go back to junior high to learn how to write - and use spell check - and follow instructions. They got mad when I insisted that they learn to use the library system, maintain a high level of academic integrity, and do their own work without the expectation that I hold their hands or do the work for them. Then they whined about what a big fat meany I was when they were surveyed. --Yes, GCUO sends out customer satisfaction surveys to the students - and oddly enough their survey responses held a very strong positive correlation to their grades - go figure. The experience reminded me of a phrase I heard once, "Never try to teach a pig to dance. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."

The next few months are going to find me launching my private practice and I may be scraping for patients at first. So I think what I may do is just teach a GCUO class here and there when I need extra cash and wean myself off the corporate teat as my business picks up. At least I'll know up front the challenges that I'll face in dealing with students in a university with an open enrollment policy and no placement tests to sort them by academic level. Send positive energy my way. I'll need it.

Doc's Soap Store Is No More

Well kids, it's the end of an era. After several months with zero sales in my eBay store and eBay arbitrarily dropping most of my listings with no warning or explanation, I've closed it. I'm undecided whether I want to open an Etsy shop or some other online store, but I'm definitely not going back to eBay. If you're one of my regulars, don't panic. I'll still make your favorites and will still make custom bath & body lovelies to your specifications. Just contact me backchannel and we'll work something out.

A Little Advice

So here's the deal. The Girl is an absolutely amazing young woman. She's strong, smart and has very clear and firm boundaries. Having the last six years free of the constant trauma, drama and chaos you brought to our lives has been refreshing. Given the years of hell you put us through, I remain skeptical, but she's nearly a grown woman and she's always had a mind of her own. It's up to her to decide the nature of her relationships. If you're less than genuine, she'll see right through the facade and shut you out again. You have no clue how fortunate you are that she's decided to allow you back into her life. Don't fuck it up this time.

The Last Lecture

Okay guys, I'm really not dead, just infinitely busy digging out from under 3 cubic fuckloads of work. I promise a nice juicy post soon. In the interim, please entertain yourself with the following. It moved me deeply.



Discuss.

Friday Night Lights - Fundietonfieldvilleview Edition

Friday night the Fundietonfieldvilleview Weirdmascots slaughtered yet another team. You'd think that a team all the way from Dallas would fare better against our little farm kids - especially when they're outsized the way our boys were. Nevertheless, take a look at their fans and remember that Dallas isn't that far away - an hour or so at the most. This picture was taken well into the game not long before halftime...

Now take a look at our fans. The stands were packed and there were people standing all around in the concession stand, along the fences et cetera. Clearly the good folks in Fundietonfieldvilleview Texas have nothing better to do on a Friday night, but at least we show up to support our kids.

With the kind of support folks around here give our kids, it's no wonder they kick ass at everything they do.

From my iPod

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today, is the word fuck. Out of all the english words that begin with the letter 'f' ...fuck is the only word refered to as 'the f word... It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most words in the english language is derived from german ...the word fuieken, which means to strike. In english, fuck falls into many grammatical categories: As a transitive verb for intance ...John fucked Shirley. As an intransitive verb...Shirley fucks. Its meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as... An adjective such as ...John's doing all the fucking work. As part of an adverb ...Shirley talks too fucking much. As an adverb enhancing an adjective ...Shirley is fucking beautiful. As a noun ...I don't give a fuck. As part of a word ...absofuckinglutely -or- infuckingcredible. And as almost every word in a sentence ...Fuck the fucking fuckers. As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of fuck...such as these examples describing situations such as: Fraud ...I got fucked at the used car lot. Dismay ...ahhh fuck it. Trouble ...I guess I'm really fucked now. Agression ...Don't fuck with me buddy. Difficulty ...I don't understand this fucking question. Inquiry ...Who the fuck was that? Dissatisfaction ...I don't like what the fuck is going on here. Incompetance ...He's a fuck-off. Dismissal ...Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself... I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word. We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loudly and proudly... ...FUCK YOU!

Tina Fey Is My Hero

I think I just peed a little bit.

And They Wonder Why We're Pissed

more music charts

More and more often as I go about my day I hear words like "taxation without representation," "mutiny," "Boston Tea Party," and similar language that is usually associated with the general populace growing increasingly weary of getting screwed over by big government. Isn't a break from a bloated and greedy ruling class the impetus for the beginning of what used to be the greatest country in the world - the country formerly known as the United States of America?

Graph shamelessly hijacked from GraphJam.com

FKN Newz

Morons Overrun Earth


Sarah Palin Tits & Ass 4Gawd