Thursday, April 5, 2007

Get Your Big, Fat Fatass Out of the Bluebonnets!*

Okay it's April. That means that thanks to Ladybird Johnson, and the efforts of my fellow Texans, our beloved state flower the bluebonnet, is in full bloom along just about every highway, byway, pasture and field around. The picture above is what heaven looks like to a Texan (minus the coldbeer, barbeque and live band). It's really too bad I couldn't add scratch & sniff to this post.

Y'all may come down here and think it would be way cute to get a picture of the kids, the dogs, mom'n'em or your Harley in the middle of a mound of these beauties, but unless you've grown them in your own pasture, just look or take pictures. They are for all to enjoy, not for you to destroy. While it is not exactly illegal to pick them, it's goddamn rude and will bring much bad Karma raining down upon your head - typically in the form of criminal trespass or similar offenses.

Would you go to your neighbor's house and pick their daisies? Well hell no you wouldn't, because you would get your ass kicked. We're similarly fussy about our bluebonnets around here. They are not for your trampling pleasure, they are our state flower and we'll thank you to keep your big, fat FATASS out of them - unless you want us to kick it for you, in which case, we'd be happy to oblige. My advice is just don't. If you do, don't be surprised to see one of us skidding in on two wheels and screeching to a halt in our big ol' trucks ready to administer the ass-whuppin' you deserve for defiling one of our state symbols.

*No beloved wildflowers were harmed in the making of this post.

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3 comments:

Natalia said...

My fat ass is not going anywhere near the flowers. My fat ass has actually never been in Texas except for the airport. So, I am safe from all the grief of the trespassing bad karma, right?

Maybe one day...

-N

Fantasy Writer Guy said...

I hate to hamper your excellent litany of angst and unrest but you should count yourself lucky that you get to see your state flower more often than Haley's comet. Our provincial flower is the trillium, named either for it's having three petals or because only three have ever been sighted. So there!

drsharna said...

There have probably been only 3 seen because The Rudes kept parking their big fat fatasses on them and squished them out of existence. Assholes.

Perhaps it was named after the character Trillium from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." In my humble and considerate opinion that, my friend, was the best television series ever produced. The movie didn't do Doug Adams' work justice.